Until We Meet Again

Tracklist:

The Truth Is by Go Radio
Tiny Dancer by Elton John
Waiting On The World To Change - John Mayer
Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day
Slipped Away - Avril Lavigne

                                                                                

It has taken me nearly three weeks to gather up enough strength to make this post. I cannot count the number of times I have started planning the things I wanted to say but just never went through with it for fear of the breakdown. I have no idea if this is the right time, but I'm going to go for it.

I received a phone call from my boss the morning of March 6th. Her first call I had missed, so when I listened back to her voicemail asking me to call her back because she was trying to get ahold of all of the staff, I didn't think twice about it. I called her back and it eventually ended up going to voicemail. She called me for a second time and I immediately noticed something was off in her voice. She proceeded to tell me that a coworker and friend had passed away that morning due to a pulmonary embolism. I was in utter shock. I had just seen this girl on Wednesday and by Friday morning I was being told she was gone. The only things I remember saying were "Are you serious?" and "You're joking." I honestly knew nothing else to say. I had only lost a close friend once before and those were the exact responses I had then. I guess I'm not the best at accepting news like this. 

I had a small cry after getting off of the phone with her but I immediately had to regain my composure because I had to go to work that afternoon, and be around kids that did not know the news. I couldn't break in front of them. That was one of the hardest days of my life. Putting on a happy face even though I knew a piece of my life and the girl's lives was missing, it was nearly impossible. 

Shortly after her passing, I was asked if I would be interested in taking over her position at work. I was told by my boss that I should have seen it coming, but how could I? I never thought this would have been asked of me. "Someone has to do it and we feel the best person to do that is you." I took on the job. not knowing everything it entailed, but I knew one thing, my biggest cheerleader was up in Heaven and all she's ever wanted for me was to see me succeed. 

Before her passing, I had spent the last few months one on one with her as she trained me to go into the schools and teach. She was so great at teaching these kids about self-esteem, bullying, and any other topic that came up; I admired her in every way. You were always able to see the passion she had for her work. She loved children and she wanted to teach them how to change the world. Her dream and passion was to change lives, and I know if she touched my life in less than a year, she was the brightest of lights in many, many others, children and adults alike. 

I have some pretty big shoes to fill, but the thing is, I have no intention of filling them. It's impossible. My plan is to simply continue her dream, because we have the same dream. She is with me always. I feel her everywhere I go and I know she is going to be the first one to let me know everything is going to be alright. 

This past week was the hardest week of my life. It was my first week of new tasks, a new group of kids at a new facility, and going into the schools by myself. I answered questions about why I was by myself, and nearly broke on several occasions. I had a ton of support though, and the most important of them all was looking down with a smile because in that week we made progress with a group of kids that usually do not listen, participate, or even act friendly. I say 'we' because she was with me in spirit, in that room, with those kids. She was able to see the progress and just thinking about that brings me to tears.

I miss her more and more every day and my heart aches every time I begin a task I know she should be doing. I still haven't had my major breakdown yet. I know it is coming, but right now I also know I have a shared dream to continue working on. When I break, I break and that is okay. My love for her and the job that I am doing will keep me going. And I know she will not forget to remind me every single day that she is cheering me on. 

Until we meet again my dearest Sara, I love you so much and I hope I am doing your dream proud.

Callie

xx